Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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