you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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