She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize