is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Alive.
So much puke
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
