Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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