Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
