So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
