she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
