If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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