dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
