I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i love accidental penises.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize