Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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