Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize