you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
