He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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