i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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