Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
