Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
