Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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