Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
