I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
