New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
