Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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