I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I lost the right to judge tonight
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
