Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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