Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
