I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She told me I should be a condom model.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
