I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
