just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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