I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
