I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
