The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
