im gay
i know
yea but for you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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