I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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