hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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