you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
