I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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