We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
