dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
