well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
