I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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