If you die in college, do you die in real life?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
