you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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