Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
