She is in my trunk
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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