i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Come share oat with me in your robe
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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