just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
