I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I could make wine with my vomit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
