so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize