Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
