Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
