I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you traded sex for a burrito?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
