i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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