We're like a lot better than the average bears
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
