I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
