It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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