wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You are the jesus of drinking
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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