I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize