Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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