Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
