maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
