whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
