I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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