I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
