As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
