ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
