She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
