She's JV to your varsity
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
