paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
