I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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