Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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