Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
