I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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