Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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