the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
