I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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