Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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